Shipwreck, Train Wreck -- Same Diff
When will these animated/live-action mashups go away? Aside from the revolutionary Who Framed Roger Rabbit? they all based on two (false assumptions): 1. children are stupid; 2. they won't know the difference.
I don't even have children and I find this insulting. Kids may have a lot to learn, but that doesn't mean that they don't have any taste or that they don't deserve to watch good movies -- ones like Kung Fu Panda, Rio, Winnie the Poo and The Muppets. And with so many great kids' movies out there, it's mystifying that something like Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (oy) was even made, let alone that it has made any money.
It has made a lot of money.
Aside from being an 87-minute infomercial for Carnival Cruise Lines (gross), the most disturbing thing about this Chipwrecked is the talented actors who signed on for it, even after the humiliation of appearing in the second one. Yep, believe it or not, this is the third Alvin et al movie in as many years. They have all been horrifying, so we can assume that the likes of David Cross, Christina Applegate, Anna Faris and Amy Poehler (AMY, WHY?!) didn't walk into it blind.
Or maybe they did. With blindfolds made of money?
So it was a small consolation when I read that David Cross told IndieWire.com that acting in the film was "the most unpleasant experience I've ever had in my professional life." Hope the money was worth it, Tobias.
I haven't even come to the most depressing part; here it goes: Mark Mothersbaugh, the musical pioneer and frontman of Devo, composed the music. The standards, where have they gone?
The "plot," such as it is, involves the titular Chipmunks, as well as The Chipettes (three girls voiced by the aforementioned comediennes) going on a cruise with their "dad" Dave (Jason Lee, looking like he's been dosed with Flavor Aid). They are on their way to a music awards show, and obviously the most practical way to get there is via boat. The six chipmunks wreak havoc aboard the ship -- you know, because they are rodents -- ultimately causing a wreck on a desert island. Everybody gets lost, and the chipmunks come upon Zoe (Jenny Slate), a human searching for gold.
Along the way, there are superlame pop-culture references to James Bond and "winning," a la Charlie Sheen. Precisely the man you want your children to be quoting.
The unpleasantness of this movie cannot be overstated. Do not inflict this upon your children's developing brains! They would be better off watching Raging Bull.
