We Bought a Zoo

The first time was when I was 16 and stuck at home with strep. My mom rented Jerry Maguire for me, which I expected to love. You know, since everybody else did and I was a teenager. But no, even with a completely uncynical, uncritical eye, I hated that movie from the depths of my soul. I was supposed to root for an amoral asshole just because he made friends with an annoying child in glasses? This still confuses me.

Next came Almost Famous, a movie with a stellar soundtrack about a young music journalist. Being a young music journalist myself, I expected to find it as captivating as all of my friends. Again, I wanted to smash my fist through the screen and choke the irritating characters while simultaneously ending the pointless story.

I'm not sure why I saw Vanilla Sky. Maybe I was a slow learner? Like Jerry Maguire, it suffers from a manic Tom Cruise performance, which is unfortunately the least of its problems.

Surprisingly, I found We Bought a Zoo less hate-worthy than the previous three, but it's still a pointless mess, one that not even Matt Damon's dimples could hold together.

Damon does a pretty good job portraying Benjamin Mee, a father of two whose wife has just died. Grieving people often do strange and irresponsible things; it's fortunate that most of them don't end up buying zoos, which are expensive and difficult to maintain. Think of the vet bills, not to mention the mountains of poo. Oh wait, I just did.

Anyway, Ben didn't just buy a zoo; he and his young daughter, Rosie (Maggie Elizabeth Jones), and juvenile delinquent son, Dylan (Colin Ford), actually live there. They also inherit a passel of creatures, as well as a disgruntled zoo staff. The head zookeeper is Kelly (Scarlett Johansson), who doubts Ben's capabilities, especially when his money runs out.

Complicating matters, Kelly's young cousin Lily (Elle Fanning), who also lives at the zoo (what is this, a zoo-dorm?), has developed feelings for Dylan, who just wants to get the eff out of Dodge.

Hurt feelings ensue. Will they get the zoo up and running by summer? Is that sexual tension developing between Ben and Kelly, or is it just their dimples vying for screen time?  

Every single plot element is extremely predictable, as well as schmaltzy, and I found it pretty lame that Ben's extreme irresponsibility as a father never bit him in the ass. Though I guess it would have been an entirely different movie had Social Services hauled the kids off to foster care.

The craziest thing about We Bought a Zoo is that it's based on a true story, though the real zoo is in England and there were more family members involved. Apparently it was the subject of a British reality TV program, which sounds a lot more compelling than this sentimental fluff piece.

Still, good for the tender-hearted, as well as young children.