Don't Mess With the Lady
Confession #1: I usually like to know what the point of a movie is by the time the closing credits role, if not before.
Confession #2: In the case of Haywire, I made an exception.
What this says about me: I am easily swayed by a bad-ass lady who beats numerous handsome men to a bloody pulp, if not to death? Yikes.
Our heroine, if that's the word I want, is Mallory Kane, a black-ops beauty played by real-life mixed martial arts champion Gina Carano. I think that's where the appeal lies: Unlike most action stars, Gina Carano actually has the skills to kill a man with her bare hands/thighs. She may not be a great (or even good) actress, but that's kind of neat.
Which is a good thing, because Haywire basically consists of Mallory beating up a string of bona-fide heartthrobs. First up, Channing Tatum, who plays her supposed confederate. She suspects he's double-crossing her, so she breaks his arm in a diner and takes another customer, Scott (Michael Angarano), hostage. As one does.
Scott provides an important narrative device because, during the ensuing car chase, she explains to him the events that have led up to the surprising turn his day has taken.
In the not-too-distant past, a sinister man (Antonio Banderas) hires Mallory and Aaron to rescue a Chinese dissident (Anthony Brandon Wong) in Barcelona. They are successful, but Mallory senses that her boss/ex-boyfriend, Kenneth (Ewan MacGregor) and their government liaison, Coblenz (Michael Douglas) are holding something back. Everything is not as it seems. So she's extra-suspicious when Kenneth assigns her to a seemingly routine mission, accompanying an Irish spy (Michael Fassbender) to a party.
She finds the Chinese dissident dead in a barn and Fassbender ready to do her in. Instead, she chokes him to death with her thighs. Hilarious! From that point on, Mallory knows that Ewan, et al are out to get her. We're not sure why and the way they go about it makes little to no sense.
It seems like it gets wrapped up at the end, until you stop and think about it: Nope, still doesn't make sense.
That's okay, because Gina Carano is awesome, and even though this is probably the only role she can play, Stephen Soderbergh wisely paired her with fantastic male counterparts. (Soderbergh: Next time, more Fassbender!) Unlike most fight scenes these days, there are no special effects or body doubles. You can see exactly what's happening at all times, and there are no fancy camera tricks. The fight sequences stand alone, which is fortunate, because otherwise there would be no movie.
