The Best Part Is the Elephant
Forgive my cynicism. It's just that, darn it, I didn't hate this movie, which I was expecting to, and being proved wrong makes me irritable.
Robert Pattinson, the sexy vampire from those terrible movies, plays Jacob Jankowski, a young vet who runs away with the circus. He falls in love with the star performer, Marlena (Reese Witherspoon) and incurs the wrath of her mentally ill husband, who also happens to be the circus master. He's played by Christoph Waltz, the divinely evil Nazi in Inglourious Basterds. August Rosenbluth is far less wicked, but way more unhinged, than Hans Landa, and very nearly as charming. There's also an elephant that understands Polish. It's these last two actors, the Austrian and the pachyderm, that make this movie not suck. For me, I mean.
Water for Elephants is a nostalgic swan song to old-timey circuses, back when they traveled by train and stopped at every town no matter how small. It takes place in the early days of the Great Depressionand there don't seem to be special effects--the idea being that a circus is special enough without be digitally enhanced. This is nice, because the movie doesn't condescend to the people for whom the circus was the most awesome thing they had ever seen. In fact, it's surprising that there actually aren't any of those annoying nudges to the audience that say, "Look at how naive and cute those people in the 1930s were, what with their Prohibition and funny hats."
The violence is brief and mostly off camera and the sex is so remarkably unsexy that a nun could watch it without blushing. That's why I said it's good for moms. The plot involves murder, abuse of wives and animals, mental illness and other sad things. Still, it's a kind and gentle movie, with a predictable plot and a happy ending.
Oh, the happy ending. Because the main point of the movie is the unfortunate romance that develops between Jacob the Vet and Marlena the Equestrian. It's unfortunate mostly because it's totally unbelievable and these two have -- I won't say zero chemistry -- but something not far off. Let's say 10 percent. At one point, Jacob says to Marlena, "You're a beautiful woman; you deserve to have a beautiful life." This scene is supposed to be fraught with romance (maybe even sexy?), but what a dick thing to say. So, ugly people deserve to have ugly lives? Or if she wasn't as beautiful as Reese Witherspoon, it wouldn't be so sad that her husband beats the crap out of her? And it seems like two such attractive people could have worked up a little bit of sexual tension. Nope.
The romance part of this movie falls flatter than a drunken trapeze artist.
While they may not have chemistry with each other, both Witherspoon and Pattinson have fantastic chemistry with Rosie the Elephant, the brand-new star of the circus and the best part of this movie, by far. (She even manages to tie up all the loose ends so the people don't have to.) It's sad when August beats her with a scary hook thing; but don't worry, he gets what's coming to him. It's not often that I enjoy seeing animals used for entertainment, but Rosie is the real star and I hope she is as well-loved in real life as she was in the movie.
Another up-side, Pattinson's awkward, shy, ever-smiling Jacob is actually pretty endearing. But, I guess it would be hard not to giggle when a cute elephant is constantly shoving her trunk in your face. I'm glad he was in this movie, which will hopefully be a spot of sunshine breaking through his career cloud of blood-sucking typecasting.
